The HF Christmas Lockout

[Phila26Flyers]

I was gonna save this for tomorrow but it seems like this site could use some holiday cheer today.

Previously: Christmas Eve at the Hockeyfights Manor

‘Twas a cold Minnesota night
Ten days before Christmas
When JKidd worked by candlelight
On a lengthy wishlist

He wasn’t asking for toys
Or even a kitty
No, this was a list
For the Moderators Committee

You see, HF has gotten quite popular these days
With 130,000 members
And much media praise

There are ads for new movies
For Axe and Old Spice
And millions of people who ignore
The President’s refinancing advice

There are new videos every day
And page views in the millions
There’s no way Vodkafish isn’t making a killing

So JKidd left Minny
This frigid December night
And hitched a ride to New York
On the next outbound flight

He called a moderator meeting
To make sure they stood united
And Chilly showed up to the party
Totally uninvited

“Who the hell is he?”
Asked Isles4Life, confused
“Is that the mod wannabe that starts flame wars
With BobNystromOwnsU?”

“I came to help” said Chilly
With an air of importance
“I do all the vbookies
And post all my sources”

“But you’re on many ignore lists”
Steg responded in kind
“Like Rasner’s and thruby’s
Hordi’s and mine”

Chilly threw a tantrum
Like we’ve become so familiar
You’d think a poster with that name
Would be a tad bit CHILLIER (boom!)

With all nuisances aside
The real mods got to business
And talked about solutions
That looked out for their interests

Since Vodkafish reaps the benefits
Of the website they keep clean
It was time to stage a protest
Like the site had never seen

Chilly went to VF
Very douchebag-like
And told Vodkadaddy the news
Of the coming mod strike

“Fukk those p*ssies!”
Laughed Vodka with gall
“I only made them mods
Because their dicks are so small!
But if they want a piece of my empire
I must act without doubt
As of 8 pm tonight
Consider the mods locked out!”

The Mod Committee stood strong
On all their demands
They didn’t care about the health
Of the HockeyFights brand

There was total upheaval
In the meantime on the forums
With no one logged on
To enforce site decorum

There were spammers with Viagra
And some peddling jerseys
There were links to free movies
And no signs of mercy

Banned users came back
Closed threads were unlocked
Habs #1 posted large pictures of cock

Brawl Lover and Redtown
Raped the baseball threads
And argued about who gives Nick Swisher
Much better head

Smashem got hammered
For the glorious occasion
He posted in English
Yet still sounded Asian

Nick Doh took a shotgun
To pigfarmer’s horses
While brymaster posted rumors
Without any sources

Canuck2 made a thread
Offering people his mojo
But he got kicked out of the abbey
And now rapes boys in his dojo

There were videos of crackheads
Car crashes and cripples
Rednek came back to post pictures
Of his new girlfriend’s nipples

There was gore posted in Websites
More gruesome than ever
Even Mr Frost could only watch just 6 heads get severed

R.Middleton posted videos
From his fraternity
He swallowed two dozen loads
Now has friends for eternity

There was Blacks On Blondes
Splashes On Glasses
Skacore posting pictures of girls in his classes

Theknuckler was still trying too hard
With bad Juha impressions
While RC and the Chat Room Gang
Hosted cyber sex sessions

There was bloodshed in politics
Racial slurs for Obama
BigJack was claiming that Mitt Romney killed Osama
“What an admirable leader!
What an honest man!”
Then Jack pasted more very telling speeches
From the Ku Klux Klan

I knew things had turned ugly
When who but none other
Than Maggie3andMe
Told me to go fukk my mother

It was a total free-for-all
For the sad and deranged
Yet oddly nothing with flex_buff_chest
Seemed remotely changed

The mods knew about the mayhem
And to make the plot thicken
They signed up on other sites
Like HFboards and FriedChicken

What they didn’t realize though
A most egregious error
Was that everyone was enjoying themselves
The forums were much better

Where else can you find KOs in one corner
And Jarsquatter in another?
You can watch Stock vs. Peat
Then some bunny rabbits suffer

Or if brawls are your thing
Check Devils vs. Rangers
Then watch B*O dish out more ball hockey danger

There are fights for the strong
And fights for the meek
Cartel executions
To last you for weeks

Post what you’re drinking
Post what you’re eating
What you just watched
And what you’ve been reading

Check for school shootings
Then check the weather
Read Phila26 try
Too hard to be clever

Talk college football
And sexual violence
Tell Penn State haters
They’re badly misguided

I guess that’s what makes me keep coming back
To the best board on the Web
You can quote me on that

I’ve been here seven years
And I look forward to more
Of talking sh!t and hockey
No matter the score

So here’s to the guy
Who keeps vbookie afloat
Here’s to the Basketball Thread
And all three of its posts

Here’s to the trolls
The pricks and the flamers
Here’s to the cops
The jocks and the gamers

Here’s to the posters
Who don’t know how to quote
And 29th Candidate
For selling out his vote

You all keep this board running
New posters to mods
I give you again my yearly applause

The NHL lockout continues
But I’m wishing and hoping
That you all have a merry Christmas
And the mods keep this thread open

[pesadillamal]

This is so gay Sandusky would jerk off to it and Paterno would turn the other cheek.

[Phila26Flyers]

Originally Posted by pesadillamal

This is so gay Sandusky would jerk off to it and Paterno would turn the other cheek.

Can't a guy take time for reflection once a year? Merry Christmas but go fukk yourself.

[29th_Candidate]

HAAAH! Good one! Well done, dude!

[Killah_punk]

[pigfarmer]

I thought I had clearly specified 'pig' farmer!

[smashem]

Hey i am only on my 8th beer leave me out of this, I am doing the sociable thing this weekend.

[Terrible One]

ZZZzzzZZ...weak and can tell rushed

last years was a lot better my man...back in the day the "night before christmas at hf.com" thread used to be HILARIOUS..I forget who used to do them good..anyone remember?

[NickDoh]

Originally Posted by pigfarmer

I thought I had clearly specified 'pig' farmer!

Also I'd never shoot your stock!

I believe it was Corpse that did those TO.

[Terrible One]

Originally Posted by NickDoh

Also I'd never shoot your stock!

I believe it was Corpse that did those TO.

Ya I think you're right..thanks

[Phila26Flyers]

Yeah it was Corpse I got the idea from. I haven't seen him do one in at least a few years. In fact I haven't seen him online at all recently?

[shaud19]

Well done Phila! You actually brought up great points and semi realistic situations that would happen if there was no mods here.

Best few lines:

Post what you’re drinking
Post what you’re eating
What you just watched
And what you’ve been reading

Check for school shootings
Then check the weather
Read Phila26 try
Too hard to be clever

Talk college football
And sexual violence
Tell Penn State haters
They’re badly misguided

I guess that’s what makes me keep coming back
To the best board on the Web
You can quote me on that

I’ve been here seven years
And I look forward to more
Of talking sh!t and hockey
No matter the score

[Corpse]

Originally Posted by Phila26Flyers

Yeah it was Corpse I got the idea from. I haven't seen him do one in at least a few years. In fact I haven't seen him online at all recently?

First time on in a while that I've been on. Good job, I've missed a ton this year so it was a good update. I see the mods are still being allowed to ruin the place.